Today on the stairlift farm the snow is deepening as I write. The frozen tracks of yesterday's journeys up, down and around the stairlift farm have frozen overnight into glacial footprints which are now rapidly filling with fresh snow.
Earlier, in a fit of panic for my elderly relatives, I decided to visit the Great Aunts and make sure they were well supplied with food, blankets and heaters in case the freezing weather persists.
The Great Aunts live side by side in two cottages at the farthest eastern edge of the stairlift farm. Great Aunt Ariadne lives in Acorn Cottage with her massive dog Bruno, whilst Great Aunt Des is ensconced next door in Babbling Brooks Cottage with her two cats St Annah and The Venerable Bede, who are religiously superior and look down their feline noses at everyone but especially poor Bruno.
The two feisty Great Aunts are full of good old-fashioned gumption and wartime spirit. Being fiercely independent they usually travel around the farm and neighbouring villages in their turbo-powered mobility scooters nicknamed Desirée's Dragonfly and Ariadne's Arthritis-mobile. As I have mentioned previously they are both keen welly-chuckers and participate in competitions whenever they can.
I arrived at Acorn Cottage to find the Great Aunts in a state of uproar. The story is this:
Ariadne had wandered out early for a spot of winter welly-chucking practice, trusting the thick layer of snow to deaden the sound and not disturb anyone. She grabbed the first pair of wellies she saw in the porch shared by both Acorn and Babbling Brooks Cottages. Her habit is to chuck a welly as far as she can and then send Bruno lolloping off to fetch it back again for another try. On this unfortunate occasion just as Bruno returned with the welly clamped in his drooling jowls St Annah decided to leap viciously on his back - sending him yelping off at a tangent far across the fields, abandoning the welly mid-flight in a deep snowdrift, for all the world as if he had a mob of deer to chase.
At this moment Des tottered out of Babbling Brooks Cottage and bent down to retrieve her mobility scooter key from the welly where she hid it at night. The welly was missing.
As I arrived Ariadne was yelling at the howling Bruno to come back and Des was yelling at anyone within hearing distance that her welly was missing. The Venerable Bede and St Annah were both yowling in sympathy and in the hope of more food. What a cacophony!
"To the Arthritis-mobile!" warbled Ariadne, hobbling speedily onto her mobility scooter. Luckily she had the snow plough attachment still fixed in place and was soon on her way across the frozen wastes of the starilift farm. She headed straight for the snowdrift where she was immediately embedded in a mound of snow and unable to move at all.
"Hold on my dear!" trilled Des to Ariadne, grabbing my arm and dragging me inside Babbling Brooks Cottage to her trusty stairlift. Under her direction I attached a length of heavy duty clothes line to the stairlift and then to the back of Ariadne's mobility scooter, tucking a non-slip bath mat under its back wheels for extra grip. With Ariadne in reverse, Des started to drive her stairlift upstairs adding extra traction which did the trick! Ariadne's Arthritis-mobile was free. The sisters were speedily reunited and tottered into Babbling Brooks Cottage for a nice cup of tea with a dash of medicinal brandy for the shock, completely forgetting the abandoned welly and missing key. Bruno redeemed himself by retrieving the lost welly, with the mobility scooter key wrapped in a woolly sock still wedged cosily in it's toe.
The Venerable Bede and St Annah looked on smugly from their perch on the windowsill and I gave a sigh of relief. Another lively day on the stairlift farm!
Cheery-bye!
P.S. A word of warning, dear reader, all events recounted in this blog should be taken with a pinch of snuff and a good sneeze and whatever you do - don't try it at home!!
